Have you ever had a moment when an employee breaks down in tears during a meeting, and suddenly you're the proverbial deer caught in their emotional headlights?
I'll never forget when one of my toughest team members—a retired SWAT officer built like a brick wall—collapsed into tears in my office after losing his beloved dog. For a split second, I panicked. Should I look away? Offer a tissue? Pretend it wasn't happening? And then I remembered that all I needed to do was be there. And really listen while he shared his heartache. Because in tragic moments like these, we all need someone to listen and care that we are hurting inside, right?
Times like these are a great reminder that being human isn't a leadership weakness—it's our greatest superpower.
The Truth About Bad Days
Let's get one thing straight: humans have bad days. All of us. It’s part of the deal—there is no “only good days” option. Even those Instagram-perfect leaders with their polished exterior, color-coded calendars, and spotless offices wake up in a bad mood or have a craptastic day on occasion.
As leaders, we can't prevent emotions—good or bad—from happening in the workplace. What we can control is how we respond to them and the environment we create around emotional expression. The real skill isn't shutting down emotions or letting them run wild—it's finding that sweet spot in between.
Great leaders understand that emotions are data, not distractions. When emotions arise, you get to put your Sherlock hat on—they're telling you something.
Your Mood Sets the Tone
One of the heavy burdens of leadership is that your emotional state ripples through your entire team.
According to the Harvard Business Review, a leader's mood:
- Sets the emotional tone for everyone else
- Influences team dynamics and productivity
- Impacts motivation levels across the board
- Shapes organizational culture over time
I learned this lesson the hard way, one particularly rough morning after a sleepless night. My team was laughing together when I walked in, and instead of joining their moment of connection, I grumbled about the noise and retreated to my office. The energy instantly deflated like a punctured balloon. My bad mood wasn't about them, but they spent the day walking on eggshells, wondering what they'd done wrong.
It's unfair that leaders live under this emotional magnifying glass, where our normal human reactions get amplified across our team like ripples in a still pond. But it's the leadership contract we signed in invisible ink when we accepted the role. It's hard work—sometimes exhausting—to maintain this emotional awareness. That morning, when I inadvertently shut down the fun, was a powerful reminder—I was probably sending these invisible signals all the time without realizing it. Leaders, let's be honest: your mood walks into the room about ten minutes before you do. How is your emotional weather system affecting your team today?
When Your Team Gets Emotional
Now, for the trickier part, when your team members are the ones experiencing intense emotions and standing in front of you, the worst thing you can do is shut them down with statements like "There's no crying in business" or "Leave your feelings at the door."
When they are sharing struggles in their personal life:
- Acknowledge their challenge without minimizing it
- Be flexible where appropriate
- Check in with genuine concern, not micromanagement
- You do not need to have answers or know what to say - listen and ask what they need
For work-related emotions:
- Use coaching questions (I love the ones in The Coaching Habit by 📚Michael Bungay Stanier ) to help them process productively
- Maintain appropriate boundaries and expectations
- Hold them accountable while showing empathy
- Keep your feedback constructive, even when it's tough
About Those Tears Though...
Let's talk specifically about tears, since they tend to create the most discomfort for leaders.
When an employee tears up in your office, remember this isn't a crisis to solve—it's simply a moment of trust. They feel safe enough to be vulnerable with you. That's an honor, not a problem.
Your job isn't to stop the tears or feel awkward. The person in front of you is not broken; they are showing human emotion and feel safe enough to do so in your presence. Simply hand over a tissue, give them space, and be present. Once the moment passes, then you can have the conversation that needs to happen. After all, you and I both know that in moments of overwhelming emotion, people don't make great logical decisions.
Tears don't mean someone is broken, manipulative, or unprofessional. They signal courage, authenticity, and a depth of caring that our workplaces desperately need. When you respond with calm compassion rather than discomfort, you're not just handling the moment—you're modeling what truly powerful leadership looks like. The best leaders don't fear emotion; they create space for it, knowing that's where genuine connection and breakthrough performance begin.
(Side note: In rare cases, tears can be manipulative - like the employee who burst into theatrical sobs when asked to remove an inappropriate social media post, even saying "I bet you want me to stop crying..." My response? "It sounds like you need a good cry." I acknowledged her feelings without backing down, and miraculously, the waterworks dried up instantly. Trust your gut when something feels off, but don't let your discomfort around genuine emotion keep you from being a compassionate leader.)
Leading With Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own emotions while skillfully navigating the emotions of others, like having both an internal compass and an external radar that guides your leadership decisions and relationships.
As a leader, you have a unique opportunity to model healthy emotional intelligence:
- Be authentic about your own emotions
- Demonstrate effective emotional regulation
- Show how to name and acknowledge your feelings
- Illustrate how emotions can inform decisions without dictating them
When your team sees you navigating emotions skillfully—acknowledging feelings without letting them derail you—they learn to do the same.
This Week's Leadership Code Word: Presence
Presence means that you are fully engaged in the moment, including being able to recognize emotions without being swept away by them.
Your leadership challenge:
- Notice how your mood impacts your team
- Create a psychologically safe environment where your team can be authentic
- Establish clear expectations around appropriate emotional expression
- Model healthy emotional intelligence in your leadership
Remember, tears don't break teams.
Emotional suppression and unchecked emotional hijacking do.
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This article is based on a lesson from the Leadership Locksmith System, designed to help leaders unlock their confidence, build exceptional teams, and find balance in leadership. For more information on this customized-to-you coaching and training program, message me!
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